Comic Relief

[bassman]

Haven't heard a good fishing joke in a while. Any of you comedians out there have a few they would like to share? Figured this topic would be good for a laugh. Let's hear em!!

[smerchly]

The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterwards, they both fall asleep

When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening.

He jumps up in a panic wondering what he's going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.

When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?

The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.

His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: "You liar, you've been FISHING!"

[marth11]

Oh man, I gotta good laugh outta that one lol

[hammercarp]

Alright I have one.

Two guys were out fishing in a local stream and were standing side by side working a pool, Due to a wide bend in the stream the pool came very close to the road. They both looked up to see a Hearst come along with a procession of cars behind it. The one guy quickly reeled in, tucked his rod and reel under his arm and took his hat off, which he then held over his heart. His fishing buddy looked at him and was kind of awed. He said " Boy you sure showed your respect there, I was kinda embarrassed to have not followed suit" After putting his hat on and making a cast the "respectful" angler said, " Well we were married for 27 years after all"

[Gerritt]

No fishing related... but makes me smile...

Why is Smurfette the only Smurf that recycles??

Wait for it.....

She is the only one with a blue box

[rickyy33]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

[ogliq2]

A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick a hole in the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up toward the sky and thinks to himself, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again. The voice bellowed again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Then the guy yells, "God, is that you?"

The voice answered, "NO......

IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.

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One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.

His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied,

"Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

[CLofchik]

An OMNR biologist took out a Polish wildlife delegation for a week of Ontario fishing. First he took them trolling for salmon, and they loved that. Then he took them pickeral fishing in the Kawarthas, and they really loved eating those. Then he took'em Musky fishing on the Upper, they only caught one but they really loved that fish.

At the end of the week the head Polish biologist asks for eggs to start stocking all of these fish into Poland, and gets a shipment FedEx'd over.

A few months go by and the OMNR bio phones up Poland and asks how things are going.

"Not so good, we got our budget slashed so we could only stock one species. Then we decided to hybridize all three species into one fish."

"Wait, hang on. You crossed a Coho Salmon, walleye AND musky into one fish?!?!?!?! What the hell do you call it!"

A Kowalski.

[bassman]

Smerch that first one is great. Used it today. It was a big hit lol girlfriend didn't find it too funny tho.

[joe]

NEW car should be a HOT seller

Ford “Taurus” and Renault “Clio” have combined!

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real female dog to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one and replace it each year.

[smerchly]

HaHa......good one Joe , a lot of thought went into that one . A real biotch to start in the morning eh ? Might need a change in rubber Joe .....something with more aggressive tread ......heh heh...

[Court Rose]

A Marriage License should be like a Fishing License-

It expires every year and

if you go out of sate you can get a $3 Day License.

If you think About it,

Girls and Fish have a Lot in common.

They ARE Fun to CATCH and

if you CLean and PREP them Right

MOST ARE good to EAT.

Also if you decide to MOUNT ONE

You Know it is going to cost you plenty!

If you bring one home (no matter how WELL you treat them)

They START going bad &

FRESH ONES ARE Always BETTER

…….PRACTICE

CATCH and RELEASE

[Court Rose]

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central S.C.

recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove

well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to

catch those fish?' 'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none

of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet

fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah.. Every night, I take these here fish down to the

lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump

right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then

said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really

works.'

'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and

waited. After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?,' says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH,' replied the warden!

'What fish?,' replied the redneck. ..........

[ogliq2]

I got a brand new fly rod & reel for my wife

Best trade i ever made

[ogliq2]

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Unknown:

One to change it and a departmental committee to write an environmental impact statement.

[dr_feelgood]

true story from a few years ago. I was up at the inlaw's cottage with my daughter and her island hubby. he has never been in northern ontario. We were standing at the dock looking at the lake when I passed gas. My wife says "dam mud ducks", he responds "what do they taste like?". I reply " they taste like doo-doo"

[ogliq2]

true story from a few years ago. I was up at the inlaw's cottage with my daughter and her island hubby. he has never been in northern ontario. We were standing at the dock looking at the lake when I passed gas. My wife says "dam mud ducks", he responds "what do they taste like?". I reply " they taste like doo-doo"

LMFAO ... Priceless